The ‘Dis-ease to Please’
Are you suffering from the ‘Disease to Please’……if so then you may be slowly killing yourself. Are you are experiencing the following symptoms?
- constantly seeking approval of your work or what you do
- needing validation of your ideas
- offering to help others before you have considered yourself
- disappointed when you don’t get the recognition for something
- always ‘doing’ and never ‘being’
- giving and then becoming resentful
- annoyed or angry at people who don’t offer help or make an effort
- always keeping the peace and being ‘nice’
- feeling taken advantage of and not appreciated
- developing strategies to get what you want
- expecting to receive ‘same’ in return
- feel emptyif you aren’t doing for others
- constant fatigue and overwhelm with your schedule
- feel obligated
- feeling lack of support
If you said ‘Yes’ to 3 or more of the above you are possibly creating something ‘terminal’ within. The point of creation for this disease usually starts in very early childhood when we learn and develop strategies to get our needs met. Depending on how others (parents, teachers, friends, society) responded to these strategies and manipulations and how we in turn reacted will depend on how hard wired many of these symptoms are. As you watch others play out these same strategies and they match yours you then buy them as ‘real’ and they support your belief and hence your core belief then becomes your survival mechanism. Your Identity(Ego) is then given the job to prove you right as your subconscious mind being the highly moral being it is only ever wants what will serve you best. At an early age your behaviour may look like tantrums, lack of confidence, indecisiveness, disappointment, good girl/boy syndrome, teachers’ pet. We practice these behaviours out of our desire to be liked or loved and so begins the visious cycle of the ‘Disease to Please’. For a long time some of these symptoms may remain unconscious but as we mature, unless we have had the insight and awareness to look at these and change them our behaviour will continue to be either some form of projection or withdrawal.
What we fail to recognise though is that these strategies (toxins) can leave you with a sense of feeling powerless. On some level they seemingly may work for you however the gift is usually short term gratification that develops into long term resentment. The good news is – Recovery is possible. All it takes is awareness and a little willingness to Heal – to choose differently. What would it take for you to be willing to cure yourself?
Below is a list of preventions and cures that will lead you into a sense of authenticity, power and well-being.
- Give yourself permission not to be liked (there’s many people out there who you don’t even know that don’t like you for whatever reason anyway)
- Practice saying ‘no’. Affirm – NO is a complete sentence.
- Ask yourself first ‘Will doing this help me or harm me’?
- Practice doing things without any expectation or return
- Do for yourself first – learn self-fullness
- Offer gratitude to yourself for all you BE
- Develop an ‘it is what it is’ attitude (acceptance)
- Give from a place of joy and gratitude within you and not from a place of lack.
- Practice forgiveness of yourself and others
- Learn to receive – accept others help without obligation
- Tap into the feeling of needing to please and then ask ‘What is my belief here’?
- Practice assertiveness and communicate what you want
- Ask – What you have to do, be, perceive and receive to change this.
- Observe others who do not have this disease running in them (What can you learn from them? – what do you love about them?)
- Become aware of the moment you desire to please and stop. Breathe. Ask questions here to interrupt the pattern
- Be willingto lie(I am not advocating lieing here, however the willingness offers you choice if you do or not) if you are not yet able to stand in your power.
- Are you an Infinite Being created out of Love – In truth would you ever need to please? – NO.
Doing these simple tasks may not come easy. If you are willing to initiate the above practices you are on your way to being the authentic potent Being you truly desire to be. You cannot be received in love if you are not coming from Love. It is not selfish – It is self-fullness. The only cure for the Disease to Please is to kill it with kindness to your self. Death by Love. How does it get any better than that?