July 6th, 2011

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The ‘Dis-ease to Please’

July 6th, 2011

Are you suffering from the ‘Disease to Please’……if so then you may be slowly killing yourself. Are you are experiencing the following symptoms?  

  • constantly seeking approval of your work or what you do
  • needing validation of your ideas
  • offering to help others before you have considered yourself
  • disappointed when you don’t get the recognition for something
  • always ‘doing’ and never ‘being’
  • giving and then becoming resentful
  • annoyed or angry at people who don’t offer help or make an effort
  • always keeping the peace and being ‘nice’
  • feeling taken advantage of and not appreciated
  • developing strategies to get what you want
  • expecting to receive ‘same’ in return
  • feel emptyif you aren’t doing for others
  • constant fatigue and overwhelm with your schedule
  • feel obligated
  • feeling lack of support  

If you said ‘Yes’ to 3 or more of the above you are possibly creating something ‘terminal’ within. The point of creation for this disease usually starts in very early childhood when we learn and develop strategies to get our needs met. Depending on how others (parents, teachers, friends, society) responded to these strategies and manipulations  and how we in turn reacted will depend on how hard wired many of these symptoms are.  As you  watch others play out these same strategies and they match yours you then buy them as ‘real’ and they support your belief and hence your core belief then becomes your survival mechanism. Your Identity(Ego) is then given the job to prove you right as your subconscious mind being the  highly moral being it is only ever wants what will serve you best. At an early age your behaviour may look like tantrums, lack of confidence, indecisiveness, disappointment, good girl/boy syndrome, teachers’ pet. We practice these behaviours out of our desire to be liked or loved and so begins the visious cycle of the ‘Disease to Please’. For a long time some of these symptoms may remain unconscious but as we mature, unless we have had the insight and awareness to look at these and change them our behaviour will continue to be either some form of projection or withdrawal.

What we fail to recognise though is that these strategies (toxins) can leave you with a sense of feeling powerless.  On some level they seemingly may work for you however the gift is usually short term gratification that develops into long term resentment. The good news is – Recovery is possible. All it takes is awareness and a little willingness to Heal – to choose differently. What would it take for you to be willing to cure yourself?  

Below is a list of preventions and cures that will lead you into a sense of authenticity, power and well-being.

  • Give yourself permission not to be liked (there’s many people out there who you don’t even know that don’t like you for whatever reason anyway)
  • Practice saying ‘no’. Affirm – NO is a complete sentence.
  • Ask yourself first ‘Will doing this help me or harm me’?
  • Practice doing things without any expectation or return
  • Do for yourself first – learn self-fullness
  • Offer gratitude to yourself  for all you BE
  • Develop an ‘it is what it is’ attitude (acceptance)
  • Give from a place of joy and gratitude within you and not from a place of lack.
  • Practice forgiveness of yourself and others
  • Learn to receive – accept others help without obligation
  • Tap into the feeling of needing to please and then ask ‘What is my belief here’?
  • Practice assertiveness and communicate what you want
  • Ask – What you have to do, be, perceive and receive to change this.
  • Observe others who do not have this disease running in them (What can you learn from them? – what do you love about them?)
  • Become aware of the moment you desire to please and stop. Breathe. Ask questions here to interrupt the pattern
  • Be willingto lie(I am not advocating lieing here, however the willingness offers you choice if you do or not) if you are not yet able to stand in your power.
  • Are you an Infinite Being created out of Love – In truth would you ever need to please? – NO.  

Doing these simple tasks may not come easy. If you are willing to initiate the above practices you are on your way to being the authentic potent Being you truly desire to be. You cannot be received in love if you are not coming from Love. It is not selfish – It is self-fullness. The only cure for the Disease to Please is to kill it with kindness to your self. Death by Love. How does it get any better than that?


September 9th, 2010

I have recently been presented with a beautiful learning opportunity for personal growth. Of course as usual we seem to gain our greatest learnings through those we love so I speak about this with much love and gratitude and more clarity as to why people come into our lives and how we create our own reality.

On the subject of speaking your truth it is one that can have a wide variety of opinions or judgement on “What is speaking your truth”? and how it is to be approached. I guess it’s a trend in personal development at present that to empower oneself it is important that you learn to speak your Truth. It is also claimed to be important to not let people railroad you, speak down or untoward you or speak seeming untruths to you without you being able to defend yourself. Whilst we do attempt in vain to not let this happen the truth is that it does.

There is another premise too that it is your right to speak up and not to fulfil this right will eventually disable you or seemingly render you helpless which over time may lead to low self-esteem or depression. So for you to regain or retain your ‘power’ to speak your Truth is essential for your own personal well-being. This is one line of thought I am happy to explore however I am also going to take you down another path in which speaking your truth may not involve language skills or a particular form of action but it is done at the level of Spirit with an outcome that can often be more empowering in a sense that it will leave you with a far greater sense of Peace within. It is achieved at the level of being able to “trust the teacher within”. It is an inward resolution and not (but can be if guided to be) an external resolution. It is actually a walk of trust to take this path. It requires a different thought system which can go against all your current beliefs. It requires inner work. It’s about asking yourself “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy”? This approach is more about wanting to be happy and not right. The need to be right often comes with a series of consequences after the event has taken place. What felt empowering initially can after a short time leave you feeling not so much disempowered but maybe a little regretful or embarrassed.  However, your pride is such a strong force in your psyche that you will come up with much justification and validation as to why it was so important for you to have your say simply because it was true for you. I want to express here  that to Speak your Truth at times is an absolute must and an essential aspect of being authentic. You will know if you have achieved this successfully as you will be left with a sense of peace and tranquillity. You may have some early apprehension but the lingering feeling will be more peaceful for you. You will also have a sense that healing has taken place for you and others concerned.  

Firstly, let’s look at What is ‘Speaking Your Truth”? v What It Isn’t.  

Speaking your Truth is about speaking the truth of who you really are. Not to speak from your Ego self but from your Authentic Self or your Divine Self. Remembering too that what could be true for you may not necessarily be your Truth. To be discerning in all situations will help you distinguish which is which. It can be confusing. It takes awareness and it requires you to observe your own behaviour and the actions and  words of others. When speaking your Truth you are taking responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and emotions. You are coming from a place of  ’cause’ and not ‘effect’. You are using “I” statements. You are expressing YOUR feelings. You are saying “I feel” not “You make me feel”. You are being clear and direct. You are asking for what you would prefer or want – what you would like to happen or how you wish to be treated. You are making suggestions as to how you can support the interaction or the situation.  It’s all about YOU. You are owning your message.

If you are not doing this be aware you may be in a state of blame, shame, manipulation, intimidation and or humiliation. If you are criticizing and judging or being condescending in any way you are offering your opinion and it is only your perception of the situation, it may not actually be true, particularly for the person you are interacting with. If you are using “You” statements you may be making accusations again based on how the situation is making you feel. In reality what you say may be happening. The other person may have done something to hurt or violate you. When you are in this state of Being you will be coming from your Ego self as you will have created an environment of attack and defence because your Ego will fight to the death to be right. You may also tend to overreact or exaggerate to support your own statements for justification and validation. Your perception will therefore be your projection. However, it is only from your thoughts that you projected initially that every situation is mirrored back to you for re-interpretation. You then perceive it to be a certain way based on your beliefs, values and experiences and from this you make a decision to respond or react or even over react.

If you want resolution out of these situations it is vitally important to honour oneself whilst considering others and be aware of how you are delivering your truth or receiving someone else’s. It is a learned skill to do this. It does take practice. Sometimes it may take the form of being a challenging experience and one can often feel quite vulnerable. Be aware and respectful as to how you may be received. Choose an appropriate time. Ask that a support person (independent) be there if necessary. Choose the appropriate environment. Honour your own time and energy. Make it about you. Refrain from any condescending comments. Look back after the event and critique yourself and check in with how you are feeling. Your emotions are a great indicator and can be your best advisor.  

If you are on the receiving end of someone seemingly ‘Speaking their Truth’ to you it is important you honour their thoughts and feelings but it is not necessary you buy into their story. Acknowledge what is applicable for you at the time (ie. That you listened or heard their grievance) and either outwardly or inwardly show gratitude to them. As difficult as this may seem it is the first step toward a successful outcome. If it is a personal situation be aware of your emotions as they will be your guide here. If it is a work situation your most preferred option is to stay with the facts and not persoanlize things so that if necessary change can take place with ease and efficiency. Look at again whether you want to be right or you want to be happy. It is not necessary you respond immediately and you may need to give their comments some thought in order for a peaceful resolution to occur. If you find yourself being defensive, or attacking or criticising, or judging your Ego has been activated. It is often a difficult experience to be on the receiving end of a situation as this however requires a level of maturity for both parties to achieve a suitable outcome.It may mean that people go their separate ways or it may mean that they come together in a much more honest and respectful union. Either way will be perfect for each others growth.  

However, now let me introduce you to a new line of thought. It may seem a little fluffy. It may go against your current thought system and it may  challenge you. It may feel for you that it would be like taking the road less travelled and that’s because it is. It is my experience that it is a fast track to to releasing the fear involved in Speaking your truth and it will help reveal your authentic or divine self. It is a learned path and does require you to become the observer or the witness of your life situations everytime bar none. It requires inner work and self responsibility and it requires that you are familiar with how you create the very events, situations and people in your life so that you can learn more about Self, Self-love and remember the Truth of who you really are. 

If your belief is “Nobody can hurt me”. If you really feel in your heart that regardless of what anybody says or does that nobody or nothing that occurs can hurt you, your response to these situations will be decidedly different. If your belief is also that you are not alone and always supported by a Trusted Source (God, Divine Inspiration, The Universe) and that all that happens in your life is part of a system of  Divine Order you will begin to be more grateful for lessons that come your way. Life wont necessarily give you what you want but it will give you what you need. So when the opportunity for you to either speak your Truth or to receive someone else doing same it will be presented to you with less fear around the event and the outcome simply because of your attitude. As stated previously it is a learned path and it is a process to follow. It will provide you with the most wonderful opportunity for Forgiveness of yourself and of another. You see, if you understand and accept that every one who crosses your path is simply a mirror of yourself – you are in them and they are in you – you are One – you are no longer fueled by the thought system of the Ego. You cannot be a victim of your own circumstances.  So, when a situation or event takes place you will be coming from a place of Love and not Fear. Your initial reaction is be to become the observer or witness. Look at it (the situation)and offer it up or  ‘hand it over’ to this trusted source for re-interpretation. Accept that we don’t always know our own best interests – only the Ego thinks we do and Ask for right-mindedness in this situation. Your guidance may be to speak further however it may also be to do nothing but to Thank them and offer love and forgiveness to yourself and to the other person. You see, if someone has seemingly hurt you and you recognize this as a cry for love – in other words they have to run you down to make themselves feel important or more empowered – exacerbating the situation may not be the solution to a peaceful resolution. If you understand that you were responsible for creating this situation in your life in the first place and it is simply your projection being mirrored back to you, you are in a much stronger position to take responsibility and get the learning and for forgiveness to take place. If you were to own this message and ask “What is this for”?  Herein lies the learning which can only further enhance your spiritual and personal growth. If you were to further understand that ‘you are never upset for the reasons you think you are” i.e. It’s never what happened or ‘the story’ that has upset you and if you were to go into your feelings and truly be with them you will find that it may be that you felt intimidated or manipulated or shameful. It is only when you go within and face the ‘core’ reason for your upset and acknowledge it by bringing it into the light that genuine authentic healing can take place. Listen to your guidance. It may be to speak your Truth. Ask for the words to support you when doing this and use the skills and techniques that I have provided above. It has been my experience to have attempted both ways of seemingly speaking my truth from my Ego Self (the “I” I think I am – yukkie) and  from my authentic Self (the “I am”)  through Spirit. Inner Peace is much more attainable when you come from the latter. When you remember that you are a powerful creative human being (as God/Divine Inspiration created you) you will no longer buy into the negative thoughts and feelings as this is your Ego attempting to hijack you to seemingly keep you safe and supposedly empowered but it is a trick to keep you powerless in the long term. You learn that your so called reality is simply an illusion. You find yourself attempting to bring truth to these illusions when in actual fact the road to Inner Peace is to bring your illusions to Truth.  

You see, everything happens to us for a reason (sometimes this is beyond logical reasoning and this requires a certain level of Trust). However, it is so that we can learn to love ourselves and to love others. When we begin to understand this, when we begin to live this, we then begin to trust more. When we trust more we forgive more. When we forgive more we come to trust (cycle) more and We become more grateful and compassionate. We come more into alignment with the Truth of who we really are. Your default system is now to Speak your Truth from a place of  Love and not from a place of Fear.  Hence, We become the Act of Love,  no longer the Cry for Love  and  we learn to love more. We become love because In Truth We Are Love.


March 17th, 2010

What does it mean to fully express yourself? The absolute truth of who you are – your authentic self. What would it take for you to be totally vulnerable, open and honest?

Have you ever played full out? Been all parts of you without judgement from yourself or concern about judgement from others. I have no doubt that all of us have had moments or times  in our lives when we have. So what stops us from being that ‘warts and all’ human being on a more regular basis or even a continual basis? What is the one thing that keeps us being totally ‘naked’ in the midst of the world around us.  

Self expression is an essential part of being your authentic self. We often have to go through long periods in our lives where we are not doing this to realize just how important it is to our overall well-being.  Depending on our experiences, beliefs, values, stories, our upbringing and the amount of  ‘inner work’ we have done some of us are good at it and some of us downright suck.  

Some of us get to a time and space in  our lives where we have accepted ourselves warts and all…..although we do own a variety of masks or hats that we take on or leave off depending on where we are or who we are with. We use these to make us feel safe, protected, smart, funny, or for attention (positive or negative), or simply because it is appropriate and for many other reasons. We also use them depending on our state of mind and this is ok. We often love parts of ourselves and some more than others. some not at all. Learning  to love all the parts, the dark and light sides of YOU and  being grateful for the contrast will help  lead to self-acceptance and self-love which in turn will support self expression.   

So why do we often find it difficult and why is it we  ‘hold back’. There are many reasons and some of them are totally appropriate and legitimate. At times we hold back because of fear. Fear of not finding the right words (whatever they may be). Fear of sounding silly, fear of being judged, fear of telling a lie, fear of being too honest (is there such a thing), fear of hurting others – nb – you only ever eventually end up hurting yourself if you bury the emotions attached to this situation so it is really important to have an outlet (personal or professional) to express your hurt.  Is it only fear that is the main instigator that holds us back? Some people hold back simply to keep the peace. They may not be comfortable with forthright communication and shy away from communicating their true feelings because of their fear of conflict arising. There’s that word fear again. This can be ok for some providing you have a very good filter system and are able to work on another level of self to dissolve the conflict or if you are very good at not owning someone else’s stuff. At times the best response is to simply not buy into it and not respond. For many reasons we hold back. Some of these reasons will hurt us and some will heal us?  

What would it take for you to choose to fully express yourself? 

The key is to be discerning enough to know when to and when not to. Here we need to become the ‘observer’ of ourselves – our own personal witness of the constant barrage of events, situations and people that cross our paths giving us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves. We have to take more self responsibility. Maybe we have to learn new language techniques to support our expression. Learning about your personality type will help support you in your journey of self expression. There is inner work involved, of course. You don’t get off lightly. However, the rewards are a more energy, fun-filled, joyful, expressive, lovable,  YOU.  

Would those around you need to change? If so, that would be like waiting for hell to freeze over. Good Luck as this attitude is a very long road to nowhere! Sometimes it will take a crisis for us to get our act together or do some things differently or to not do some things at all for that matter. It’s these times in our lives that are our real ‘growth periods’ hence why yes it will often feel very uncomfortable. We usually don’t see it coming but there are certainly signs along the way. We often choose to learn through pain and suffering. Whilst this is not ideal it can be the case.  

Realizing ‘if it’s to be – it’s up to me’ and deciding to do the inner work is the difference. Taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions is an essential start to expressing yourself authentically. Self-inquiry is imperative. Be kind to yourself during  this process by not taking yourself too personally or too seriously.  Whether we acknowledge it or not we are all supported by a trusted source higher than ourselves, so now is a good time to call on this support. Put it out there to the Universe, God, Divine Inspiration (whoever it is you choose) and ASK ‘show me the next step’ or ask for ‘right-mindedness’ in this situation. Hand it over to your trusted source and allow the outcome to be revealed. Lastly, continue to love and forgive yourself and others. Quantum Forgiveness  will bring you more peace and closer to the essence of who you are than you ever could imagine. 

In the meantime, whilst all this is going on in an attempt to break down those blocks it is wise to introduce different forms of expression into your daily life.  Playing, laughing, dancing, music, painting, being creative, exploring , writing, singing, speaking, being physical – all of these will help you find balance in your daily life. Set an intention to start now and find what structure you will need to make it work for you. 

Imagine!!!!? If you had unlimited talent, unlimited courage, wisdom and the freedom to be all you could be and if you could stand in the innocence of who you are, in your absolute greatness, how would you express yourself?. Who would you be without the roadblocks. Peel away everything that isn’t you and let your true essence shine. Delight in your own wonder and exuberance. Choose to live ‘in the now’ moment more and more and Trust that if you choose to be true to yourself  life will unfold joyously, graciously and miraculously. How does it get any better than this?………

Heading into the Light

March 14th, 2010

Do you often find yourself feeling quite alone, depressed, stuck, almost trapped?

Do you feel like a victim of your own circumstances with no way out, no choice but to stay where you are? Does life have you on this constant merry-go-round and has it become a world of busyness or for some a world of procrastination and emptiness. Sound familiar? 

What is happening here is we have given away our power but we can’t yet recognise this at this point in time. Funnily enough, unbeknowns to us,initially we have made an unconscious choice to camp out in this space of confusion. It’s also where our Ego lives –  trying to keep us separate, small, defensive, in attack, controlling, resistant, guilty, judgemental….do I need to go on. Oh yeah I do….It is here where Fear lives and that’s what keeps us stuck. From here we begin to identify with an external world of chaos and uncertainty and confusion. We begin to align ourselves with roles, identities and definitions of ourselves. In searching for this so called identity and whilst seemingly trying to find ourselves we do the very thing we are trying to avoid…..We lose ourselves. 

I call this place of loss –  Struggle Street. Struggle Street is in the suburb of Victimville, down near the river in Egypt (Denial). Here you will also find the path of Self-destruction and some of your neighbours the “Saboteurs”. We soon become one big happy family. I will add here that you will only ever find this suburb outside of yourself. This is external world territory only. We get used to living here because everybody else has a similar story and it doesn’t make ours look that bad. You can also attract so much attention from others who want to keep you in your story to make themselves look and feel better. We can get really comfortable here and our surroundings become very familiar as we use the excuse “that’s life”.   We can make it mean too, that we don’t have to look any further, we can choose to just stay here because to change would be all too hard and it could actually be worse for a little while and the thought of that pain is a big hurdle to jump. Funny thing about Struggle Street is that there are no lights on but plenty of people home. We find ourselves seemingly with everything we thought we wanted,  surrounded by others, friends, family and we almost feel a sense of belonging, although coupled with a nagging aloneness as we continue to fumble our way around in the dark. 

During this period of darkness we are still asking for a better way, gold lotto or a miracle.

We have forgotten that everything we need is already within us. Our Higher Self no longer becomes our guidance. We often call on God as an external source or a higher power than ourselves for help. Because we ask and depending on whether or not we are aware at the time we get shown glimpses of the light. This first sign of light is offering us a choice. If we can find the strength or if we are in enough pain this will prompt us to move. These glimpses of light  are the signs and ways  that will lead us out of the darkness. Initially when a light is shone in our face it blinds us but if we are courageous to move through the light our eyes get used to the experience and we eventually catch glimpses of happiness, love, gratitude, peace, joy, forgiveness, abundance, trust and much more. We get given opportunities and experiences and we take them. We begin to drop our fear of the light, it no longer blinds us but leads us to a place where we see things much clearer and its here too that we understand what the darkness was for and why it was there – to show us the contrast.

We come to know and accept ourselves, to rediscover our truth, grow to our full potential – whatever that may be for us.  We no longer need an identity or to define ourselves. We go by the premise – “I AM”.  

The tears of despair that we once cried in the darkness no longer exist however we are happy to acknowledge where we have come from. Our newfound light that initially did blind us now becomes a safe place. Now when our eyes begin to water it is with tears of joy. Tears of  pure radiant love for ourself and for others. We begin to understand that the key to happiness is unconditional love and forgiveness of others and of self. Creativity and inspiration are abound and miracles and synchonicities are wonderous acts of love. PS. And they actually manifest……

Inner peace begins to reign as part of who we are. Coming from a place of peace and love becomes a natural extension of our true essence. In giving the gift of love we will receive love in an abundance of ways beyond what we thought was ever possible. Trust will come more naturally as we  learn to surrender to our internal world for it is here we find connection. Connection to Spirit – Connection to Self. 

When the light is at its brightest we will often cast our biggest shadows. Be not afraid to look for you will only find strength and courage to continue on your journey. You will find people on a similar journey to yours – friends, companions who are there to help you and support you and in turn you will be there to help others. You become conscious of your new consciousness. You will come from a place of peace that will change your perception of  the world if you allow it! 

So Take the step! Go forth! Shine your light brightly for all to see and become your truth!  Enjoy the journey of rediscovering your way home! It’ worth the ride.

Open your clown Chakra (hahaha!!!!)

March 5th, 2010

Opening The Clown Chakra

Recently, scientists have found that all our problems can
be placed under one heading: Seriousness. Seriousness is
the leading cause of disharmony.

Scientists from the Clown Academy have already discovered a
new source of healing.

It is a psychic energy point located between the heart
energy center (chakra) and the throat energy center (chakra).

It is called the “Clown Chakra.”

If people are feeling miserable; if they have financial
problems; if their relationships are in the pits; if they are
in ill health; if they have a need to sue people; if they find
fault with another; then their clown chakra is imbalanced.

When this happens, scientists have observed under high-powered
microscopes that the cells of every organ display a sad face;
and when the clown chakra is open and functioning normally,
the cells display a happy face.

Who knew!

If a person is ill, it is because the mind has projected
guilt or shame onto the cells of the body and has forced out
the love that is normally found within the body.

The cells are therefore saying, “I Lack Love”, or “ILL” for

Scientists also recently discovered that all disease is due
to the fact that the cells are “out of ease” or “dis-eased.”

When the clown chakra is opened and “playing” properly, the
psychic mechanism sucks up misery, pain, anger, resentment,
all grievances, unhappiness and so on, and then converts this
negative and imbalanced energy into tiny red heart-shaped

The red heart balloons contain God’s Love and Joy. These
balloons are directed to the “dis-eased” cell or situation,
and a happy face instantly appears.

When the light enters the darkness, the darkness is gone.

Sometimes these red heart balloons, called endorphins, are
due to the fact that when anyone experiences them the feeling
of separation ends – they experience being back home with the
divine and hence are no longer an orphan.

This is the well known “end orphan” (endorphin) effect.

So if you think someone is attacking you, it is recommended
that you visualize sending that person red heart shaped balloons
filled with God’s Love and Joy.

Remember to keep your clown chakra open, you must remember
to laugh – seriousness also causes reincarnation!

BULLYING!!!The New Trend in Children’s Behaviour

March 5th, 2010

The following article is from informationan interview between Angie Quinn and Ginger Gorman shared on ABC RADIO Far North on Wednesday Feb 17th, 2010. (this article is relative to school age children)

What is Bullying?

Bullying is when an individual/group (with seemingly more power than you) repeatedly and intentionally uses negative words or actions agains you shich causes distress or risk to your physical, social and mental well-being.

What’s in it for the Bully

  • It’s an opportunity to gain attention (destructive/negative attention is often better than none)
  • It’s a Power struggle – A need to feel important
  • When a bully feels like he/she has the power the ego takes over and begins to feed the addiction
  • Often bullying at school can be acted out behaviour which is cultivated at home due to unattended to sibling rivalry
  • children who are prone to being angry can at times go looking for a reaction or some form of action to shift that anger and tension within them
  • Bullies often think they are funny – cruel ridicule is often seen as humour on tv (eg. The Simpsons)
  • Bullies in most cases have low self esteem but a tough protected exterior. In projecting out they are attracted to other more sensitive children who also lack self esteem or confidence.
  • Bullies always go for the weakest link 

Types of Bullying

  • Verbal threats, criticism, sarcasm
  • Spreading nasty rumours/notes
  • Facial gestures
  • Physical contact
  • Cyber bullying and Texting
  • Rejection and social isolation

Reasons why children Bully

  • Appearance – hair, clothing, visible differences, weight, glasses, freckles, braces
  • Abilities – physical (athletic) and intellectual (academic)
  • Identity – gender, race, religion and culture
  • Behaviour
  • Opinions
  • Friends

Tell Tale Signs your Child is being Bullied

  • Avoid school
  • Withdrawn behaviour
  • Change in appetite
  • Physical injury – bruising
  • Bed wetting
  • Moody outbursts
  • Damaged property/clothing
  • Change in body language (fearful posture)
  • Not wanting to participate in lunch time play or extra curricular activities

Strategies to Cope (if you are the victim)

  • TELL SOMEONE – This can stop the bullying, alternatively it will continue
  • Ignore and Walk away – bullies want a reaction and will get bored if you dont feed them (Teach your children – Don’t Feed the Animals)
  • Use their language back to them in a really nice way (eg. “You look stupid” said the bully. You say “Yeah, you look stupid too, yayee!!!NB. Say it in a laughing tone. 

             (OTHER EG. 1. “so”   2. “Your point is”   3. “I’m sorry you are hurting so much you have to pick on me” (this one really throws them – they go “HUH”)

  • Visualize that you are in a bubble and everything the bully says bounces right off you and back to them OR use a pretend bat and bat it back to them with your hand (do not make contact)
  • Monitor your internal self-talk and what you believe about what the bully is saying. Most of what they say IS NOT TRUE FOR YOU.
  • Journal your thoughts – ASK YOURSELF – “is this really the truth or just one persons opinion”
  • Stand Strong and keep your posture upright
  • Engage in activities that build self confidence and self esteem (martial arts, team sports)
  • Hang out with people who like you instead. Often we want to be part of the popular group and this can at times be a toxic environment to be in.

Adults have a responsibility to children within our community to support them and their right to feel safe :-

  • Teach them emotional resilience tools and how to deal with conflict resolution responsibly and sensibly
  • Teach them how to accept peoples differences
  • Teach children about honesty, fairness and how to be sensitive to others needs and feelings 
  • Role Model good behaviour – Children will do as you do before they do as you say
  • Teach children they have a ‘social responsibility’ to understand it is important and beneficial to be a good citizen and build a world with fairness and justice for all where we all feel safe.

Ask and you shall Receive

March 2nd, 2010

I love the power of this – one of my favourite mantras “ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE”. For the past number of yrs probably close to about 10 – 15 I have had miracle upon miracle happen because of my strong belief in the power of this prayer or mantra. I thank my beautiful mother for her faith in this prayer (you can call it a ‘saying’ if you’re not into prayer) and for as long as I can remember as a child she would always call on this one if she needed and instilled in me to do the same.

For so long I have thought I should write all these coincidences, synchronicities, miracles or whatever you like to call them down (and I never have initially probably thinking I would one day remember all of them) and not really understanding at the time that there would be far too many to achieve this. So, here I sit on this day recording them from here (hear) on in.  Apologies to all those I didnt write about previously however I can asure you I was forever grateful at the time of their fruition. Now though as I have learnt to let go of the outcome and to trust that what is presented to me will always be for my highest good they are much easier to recognise when they arrive. NB. It may not always be what I want but it will be what I need. At times I am not able to immediately understand however eventually the message gets through(usually when I stop ANALysing it). Aahhhh, what you resist, persists.

Note here that I am a very optimistic person. It is a big part of my personality. I am a glass half full person and it works for me.

So, the latest example of this is as follows:

I have recently spent time on Nth Stradbroke Island with some friends of mine. They are authors of the book “TAKE ME TRUTH: Undoing the Ego” – Tomas Vieira and Nouk Sanchez. They currently run workshops on this subject and are teachers of A course in Miracles. In June they are holding a 3 day workshop with Gary Renard (author – The Disappearance of the Universe) in Glastonbury in the UK. Because of my keen interest in this subject and these authors I was keen to attend. I was discussing this with hubby  over lunch today. There is much to consider when your wife wants to travel 3000km to go to a workshop (there’s gotta be a catch if you are a meremale, if you know what I mean). However, one of his comments was “Its a pity it wasnt in another country where you havent been so you get to see something different. good Call, that was positive, yep I agree and thought ok will look into that. And then came  “Lets just hope we sell the land – I think that meant well if we dont , then dont think about going at all – yeah actually thats what it meant. So immediatley I changed the subject as didnt really want to go down that track cause I am such a lover of “Law of Attraction” I just didnt want to invite any negativity into my wish. Oh god, though if you know anything about the law of attraction well that was too late so ok need to do some fast work to turn that around now. However, after he had left to go back to work I found myself looking at the complexity or ease of this actually coming to frutiion. First though, “Who am I to think I can fly to the otherside of the world to attend a workshop” followed by 2nd thought “Who am I not to” ( which completely blows my other fave mantra “First thought, Best thought” out the window, but will deal with that one in another blog. Then of course, came the subject of financing the trip and we won’t go there however I decided that now that I had planted the seed out there in the universe lets just see how it all unfolds. Within the hour, my thoughts were heading towards that book I will eventually write “A Quick Guide to Mothers Guilt”  and they went like this. OK, so hubby working, who will look after the kids? Ive just been back to London in ’07 and so maybe its a bit extravegant (first trip 1985 – single white female, aged 21yrs, Contiki Europe Tour – no real memory recall due to level of alcohol consumption at the time),OOPS!!! Its a lot of money to spend, etc etc. OMG!!!!Stopit, Just Stopit right now. OK. Ground yourself, girlfriend. right, I thought. I am gonna hand this one over. What I mean by that is this. Sometimes when we really want something we end up being and doing the very thing that stops it from coming to us. So I put the question to the Universe. In my case it’s the lap of the God’s but I’m not partial to whoever or whatever you want to call it – the Universe,Fate, Spirit, George, etc. I said’ “Ok God, if I am meant to go to Glastonbury, UK and if it is for my highest good then send me a sign. I will trust that whatever that is even if its not what I want to see or hear. I will promise to listen, Amen.” the second I did this I went downstairs to my office. I am currently writing apparently to put a book together and was wondering about how I do referencing and bibliography stuff. I grabbed the nearest book from the shelf and it happened to be “The Healing Power of Water – Dr Emoto” – Great read!!. I looked in the back to see how they did there referencing and there wasnt much to go on. I then thought Gee I havent read this for a long time and continued to open the book up at a random page. Lo and Behold!!!OMG!!!!Guess what the page said – “Chalice Well, Glastonbury”. There before my very eyes was 5 pages of writing on a powerful healing Well in Glastonbury. A full comprehensive guide on the history of Glastonbury. Say no more – IT LOOKS LIKE I’M GOIN’ TO GLASTONBURY!!!!! Thank you ! Thank You ! Thank You!. My heart is filled with gratitude for what is for my highest good. Believe in the law of trust – it will support you, forever and always. So, my friends, go forth ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!!!!

Laughter Yoga

June 17th, 2009


It’s infectious, it’s contageous and I’m so not sorry to say it’s addictive.smiley face images

I will be your crazy instructor taking you through the paces in a playful like manner (ok, so you get to be a kid again – Did you know that children  laugh approx 300-400 times/day compared to adults at about 15-20  times/day).

Laughter yoga is a series of laughing exercises and yogic breathing (No, its not yoga and you don’t have to stretch your legs around your elbows).

Anyone can laugh for absolutely no reason (even grumpy old men) as you don’t even need to have a sense of humour. Practiced repeatedly the benefits physically and emotionally are many. Each session is approximately 30 minutes. Wear comfortable very casual loose clothing. $5/session.

So come and experience this revolutionary idea that is sweeping the world. It’s a complete wellbeing workout. What a great way to start your day!!!!

Share the love of laughter with all your friends and pass this information onto anybody you know that may just need a bit of a heave Ho! Ho! Ha!

You’ll laugh it – I mean love it!!! Tee Hee!!!


PS. Please be on time as the beginning is essential. Register from 9.15am

PLEASE NOTE:  Laughter Yoga is only available for CORPORATE/PERSONAL group bookings until May 1st, 2010. Sorry for any inconvenience.

laughter Yoga Cairns

Either or Thinking

June 17th, 2009

There is a distinction to make when you are experiencing and either/or thinking process. It is this. Are you only coming from two reference points for what you are experiencing? It may manifest as- I do not have choice around a certain state – I either have to be in control or I am out of control, or I have to be separate or doing connection. So notice when it is either one or the other. When this is happening there will be conflict inside and that will probably limit you in the world and limit your decisions and choices.

These states are so limiting in our emotional behaviour and limit our actions that arise from this state.It is important to become aware of when you have it wired up as an either/or. Be willing to look outside the square and imagine looking at your situation expansively with other options and choices.  Begin to witness yourself and observe who you are being and what you are doing when coming from this state. These feelings may not necessarily make you feel comfortable. Look at your beliefs and patterns around how you create your experiences and states of mind or patterns of thinking. Become aware of how we sometimes make it right to suit us (even when its not really suiting us at all) and therefore we so easily make others wrong. Also become aware of other people having these states of mind as well. Sometimes it’s easier to see stuff in others long before we are able to acknowledge and accept it within ourselves.

Our healing will take place when we can look at this and really face it and work with someone to help us unlock the unconscious patterns and write our new script and point of reference..

Eg.-  you may have it wired up that you have to feel safe so there is only a safe state for you to experience and an unsafe state – all things fall into this category – meaning people, places, jobs, feelings work etc.  As a result you are often in control but then feel frustrated that you cannot get some things that you want but continue to be driven by this state and frame you have made.

For us to really prosper and grow we need to start to look at the art of “Simultaneous Thinking”. This concept offers us more choices, it is more expansive, maybe not as controlled. It does involve you connecting your mind-body-spirit and trusting your intuition. At first, you may not feel safe if someone suggests a different way to you. You may go into victim (either physically/mentally or both). Practice receiving another way or opinion and also feel how it would feel if it actually worked even if it initially sounded like the impossible. It’s about re-wiring our thinking. It will take time and feel uncomfortable to start with. It’s also about ASKING to be shown another way and then being open to hear, see or experience this new found learning. It can shift you out of your either/or state – it brings hope. It’s a whole body experience.

As a result of this new found awareness regarding Either/Or thinking  you are able to take action with a real sense of choice and your outcome is more likely to support you fully in your growth.